Getting Healthy - It's A Journey
No one said it would be easy
… For good reason. This post has been a long time coming, and in all honesty I have been struggling with the idea of how to write it… What do I include? Will people judge me? Will they understand? Is there a point to sharing this? … And I came to the conclusion that I should include everything that pertains to my journey of getting healthy, it doesn’t matter what people think or whether or not they understand, because I am sharing this for me and in the hopes that at least one person will benefit from reading it, and if I can help one person… Then it’s worth it.
when you need food to survive, but it happens to be your addiction…
A quick back story
I went through a really difficult time my senior year of college ( mostly related to my health - severe chronic asthma) and ultimately had to withdraw from school and come home. Many of the medications I went on were steroids (to help with my breathing) causing me to gain almost 30 pounds over the course of several months. For me, this was when I completely lost control and developed what I consider a “food addiction.” It was actually a very vicious cycle that has taken me years to break (and that is not to say I don’t relapse ever).
a vicious cycle
I have always used food as a way to self soothe and comfort myself in times of sadness, anger, or frustration. After I had gained all this weight I became so frustrated and angry with myself (how I looked), and the only way I knew how to manage/deal with these emotions was to eat. I can’t explain why eating certain foods (like my favorite pizza, or mac & cheese) made me feel better… But the term “comfort food” obviously doesn’t come from nowhere. All I can say, is that this went on for a year, and by this time I had developed what I consider an “addiction” to food. Now, the biggest problem with being addicted to food (specifically greasy, fatty, sugary food), is that unlike other addictions, you can’t just quit. I am in no way trying to minimize other types of addictions, but simply trying to point out that unlike smoking or drinking (something you can live without/work to not expose yourself to so you don’t relapse) you can’t just stop eating/give it up… We need food to survive, and therefore the struggle and temptation is always there.
the breaking point - one of many
It finally got to the point where every aspect of my life was being affected by this, and I knew something had to change. Unfortunately, this is not the part of the story where I share with you that I reached a breaking point and was able to get it together, learn to eat healthy, start exercising, and now I am the healthiest I have ever been … Because that is NOT what happened. In all honesty, this was one of many breaking points. This breaking point was the one where I finally recognized and admitted to myself and others that I had a problem.
asking for help
At this point I knew I couldn’t do this on my own, and that I was going to need lots of help and support. Since I could write an entire post solely about the support of my family and close friends, I will just use this as my opportunity to say that I would not be where I am today without all their support, understanding, patience, and unconditional love.
To shorten this up a bit, but give you an idea of what the following year and a half looked like, I will just say that I spent that time trying every different diet, which would work temporarily, but ultimately I would fall of the wagon and hit yet another breaking point sending me onto the next diet. This was honestly the hardest part of all… Constantly feeling like nothing was working and that I would never be able to get healthy.
After having tried almost every diet out there, I realized that this issue went way beyond just a diet. I can’t exactly say when or how, but I realized that this was something that crossed over into the category of “mental health.” I decided at this point that it was time to get professional help.
I have never had an issue with therapy or seeing a therapist, and I was not opposed to it in any way (as I had seen a therapist before when I was younger to help me manage my anxiety)… What I have not yet done though, is openly share with the world that this was something I needed to do, because I knew I couldn’t overcome this otherwise… And you know what? IT’S OKAY!!!!! If I have learned anything from this whole journey, one of the main things is that you are not weak for asking for help, you are STRONG.
getting better one day at a time
I was so fortunate to have found a therapist I could trust and feel comfortable with. I attribute so much of my ongoing success with this journey to her. She helped me realize that it wasn’t about finding the “perfect”/ “magic” diet that was going to be the answer to my problems, but that I needed to learn how to deal with my emotions and find other coping mechanisms other than food, if I ever wanted to get to a healthy place both physically and mentally (I plan to discuss these techniques in more detail in a future post). She taught me that I need to start viewing food differently and changing my relationship with it. I learned how to begin to eat to live, and not live to eat. I learned not to beat myself up if I made an “unhealthy” choice and to find a way of eating that would become a lifestyle, and not just a temporary diet or fix.
For me, the answer was a program called FoodFuels. I was given a coach who I texted and checked in with every single day. I learned how to eat properly by combining food and optimizing my digestion to fuel my body in the best possible way (planning to discuss this further in another blog post as well). I was able to do this by keeping track of everything I ate through keeping a food diary, holding myself accountable, and tracking my weight. Slowly but surely, I have lost about 20 pounds in the last year.
Now this has not been easy, nor has it always been smooth sailing. We did lots of traveling which made it difficult for me to follow the program, and I would have to come home and “reset”. I am still on this journey of getting to the healthiest version of myself, but I know I have come a VERY long way from where I was.
Not only have I made lots of physical changes by trying to exercise more, and eat healthier, but I also have worked on my mental health and my relationship with food. I know I am not the only one who struggles with this, and for that reason I want to recommend a book that really helped me The Intuitive Eating Workbook. I also want to say that as someone who has and is still going through this, please know that if you have similar struggles, you can always reach out to me.